Who Am I? ~by robin moroney

“Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for Him.”  Psalm 37:7

So, let’s have a show of hands from everyone who can sit still for any length of time, shut your mind off and wait to hear from God?  If you raised your hand, I want to have a conversation with you so you can teach me how to do that.  I have never been able to quiet my mind for any significant length of time (except when I'm sleeping and even then it's questionable about my mind being still).  Every time I’ve tried to sit in silence to hear from God, I might last 30 seconds (on a good day) and then this is what happens:

Boy the birds sound so pretty today . . . . I wish that person would take their dog inside so it will stop barking . . . . I need to do some laundry . . . . Oh, I can’t forget to get honey next time I go to the grocery store . . .  and toilet paper; maybe I should make a list. No, you’re supposed to be sitting quietly with the Lord . . . Dang, I wish that stupid dog would shut up.  Who lets their dog stay outside and bark for 20 minutes? . . . . I’m really uncomfortable; maybe if I get more comfortable I won’t be so distracted . . . . yeah, that’s better. I’m really comfortable now.  Zzzzzzzzz . . . . And. I’m. Out!

Quieting my mind most definitely is not one of my gifts.  And frankly, I think it’s impossible.  But this message of being still before the Lord has come to me many times in the past few weeks.  It keeps popping up in my reading.  I’ve tried to just sit and quiet my mind.  But I have not been successful at it.

Recently, however, I’ve thought about being still before God in a different way than just sitting and trying to quiet my mind (which, clearly doesn't work for me).  This different perspective came to me several weeks ago when our minister, Craig, quoted this verse in his sermon:

            “Be still and know that I am God.”  Psalm 46:10

Then Craig talked about Moses hearing from God and God telling Moses that He is the “I AM” (Exodus 3:14).  When Craig, said that God is the I AM, I wrote this in my sermon notebook,

I AM . . . _________

During this sermon, it struck me that maybe being still doesn’t necessarily mean sitting quietly and doing nothing.  I know that we are to sit quietly and spend time with God.  But I think God is telling me to still my mind rather than constantly trying to figure things out.  When I think I’ve heard from God, I’m always trying to figure out the how and the why and the what if.  God just wants me to still my mind and know that He is the I AM. 

When Jesus walked on the water and told Peter to get out of the boat, Peter immediately did it (Matthew 14:29-31).  He didn’t think about it, he didn’t try to make sense of it, he didn’t try to figure out why or how.  He got out of the boat and walked on the water toward Jesus.  Peter’s mind was still and he knew that Jesus was the I AM.  It wasn’t until Peter started thinking about things and trying to make sense of it that he noticed the wind and rain and got scared.  And then he fell into the water.  Jesus wanted Peter to know that He is the I AM of all things. Including the miraculous and unexplainable.

When God asks me to do something, it’s not my job to try to figure it out.  It’s my job to be still and know that He is God. These past several weeks, I’ve been thinking a lot about who God wants me to know He is.  When I am able to still my mind this is what He tells me:

I AM the One who comforts you when you have a bad dream in the middle of the night.

I AM the One who gives you courage when you are afraid.

I AM the One who gives you strength when you are weary; and I AM the One who encourages you to persevere when you want to give up.

I AM the One who is always in control of the details (I know you think you are, Robin, but Surprise! It’s really Me).

I AM the One who knows the plans I have for you; and they are pretty awesome.

I AM the One who sends sunshine to kiss your face when you need it the most.

I AM the One who knows that your heart is lonely; and I AM the One who surrounds you with friends and family at the perfect time when you need to feel loved and not alone.

I AM the One who loves you so much that I have your name engraved on the palm of my hand.

Who does God want you to know He is?  I challenge you to write it down.  Don’t think about it.  Don’t try to second guess God.  Don’t try to make it make sense.  Don’t try to put it into a neat little box that you want it to fit into.  Don’t think.  Just write. Take pen and paper.  Take a deep breath.  Still your mind and write: 

Be still and know that I AM . . . . .  _________________

The answer might surprise you.  My answer surprised me:

Remember:  “The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still.”  Exodus 14:14

Abba, Father, how we thank You for being the great I AM.  Thank You for reminding us that You are everything we need.  Please help me to still my mind and just know that You are God.  When I want to run things over and over in my head and when I feel the need to figure everything out and make it fit into a neat little package, help me to know that you are Everything. Thank You for being who we need You to be at all times.  ~robin

Through Deep Waters by ~robin moroney

On Ash Wednesday, I was thinking about Lent and what it means to “give something up” for Lent.  I was wondering how giving something up would glorify God and bring me closer to Him.  I mean, if I gave up something I love, like Dr. Pepper, would that really bring me closer to God?  Would I really think of God more every time I wanted a Dr. Pepper during those 40 days?  I don’t think so.  In fact, not having a Dr. Pepper for 40 days would just make me grumpy which certainly would not glorify God. 

So I wondered what I could do during the 40 days of Lent to strengthen my relationship with God and to bring me closer to Him.  And I decided that I want to read the Book of Psalms every day during Lent.  Starting on Ash Wednesday I'll read three Psalms a day and by Easter day, I will have read every Psalm. I am committed that during this time I will be still and listen for God’s voice.  And I pray that He will enable me to understand His will for me.

As I am reading the Psalms, I am struck by David’s amazing ability to praise God and thank Him even in the most difficult times.  In Psalm 6, David says to God:

“Be merciful to me, Lord, for I am faint; O Lord, heal me, for my bones are in agony.  My soul is in anguish.  How long, O Lord, how long? . . . . I am worn out from groaning; all night long I flood my bed with weeping and drench my couch with tears.  My eyes grow weak with sorrow . . . for the Lord has heard my weeping.  The Lord has heard my cry for mercy, the Lord accepts my prayers.” Psalm 6:2-9

David is in agony and he is worn out!  And yet he knows that God hears him and that God is with him.  This verse reminds me of my anguish during Hell Year 2004. I too have cried out in agony and I have flooded my bed with tears.  I have even said, "How long God?  How long?"

Even though David was in agony, he always seemed to find it within himself to not only cry out to God but to praise Him and thank Him.  Oh, that it would be so for me too.

In Psalm 18, David says:

“He reached down from on high and took hold of me; He drew me out of deep waters."  Psalm 18:16

As I am nearing the 10 year anniversary of my mother’s passing, the end of my marriage and my season in the slimy pit (this all happened in Hell Year 2004), this verse reminds me of how far God has brought me.  God most definitely reached down and lifted me out of the deepest waters I’ve ever been in.  Time and time again His great hands have plucked me out of waters that threatened to overtake me.

In 2004, I truly did not think I would ever laugh again, love again or be happy again.  God has shown me repeatedly how much He loves me and how much He wants to bless me.

During these past 10 years, I have laughed, I have cried oceans of tears, I have loved (then cried some more).  I have been lonely and I have been surrounded by people I love and who have filled my heart to overflowing.  I have been angry and I have been frustrated.  I have had seasons when I was ravenous for God and His word.  And, sadly, I have had seasons when I didn’t spend much time with Him at all.  I have cried out to God in heart rending anguish and I have pleaded with Him to heal my broken heart.  I have laughed with God, I have cried with Him, I have yelled at Him, screamed at Him and pouted when I didn’t get my way. 

And I have praised Him and thanked Him for blessing me beyond my wildest dreams.  I have felt His loving arms around me when the warm sunshine hits my face and I have stood in awe of His power when thunderstorms have raged around me. 

Sadly, I have run away from Him.  And I have crawled into His loving arms when I have been too exhausted and worn out to even take another breath.

I have been through a lot these past 10 years.  I have been in agony and cried oceans of tears.  I have also felt such great love and excitement that my heart has filled with immense joy.  And I know that through it all, God has been right there with me every single moment.  And I know that He will always be with me and that He will always love me.  No matter what. 

And like David,

“But I trust in Your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation.  I will sing to the Lord, for He has been good to me.”  Psalm 13:5-6 

Heavenly Father, how I thank you for your constant presence in my life.  Thank You for staying beside me through the deepest oceans, the darkest storms and the brightest moments.  I am so grateful that You do not grow weary and that You never give up on us.  Thank You for giving us strength when we cannot take another step and for giving us courage to persevere when we just want to give up.  Thank You for the challenges in our lives that help us to grow closer to You and that teach us things about ourselves that we did not know.  And thank You for this glorious spring day that reminds us that You are always present and that You love us more than we could ever know.  ~robin