“So no one told you life was gonna be this way
(clap-clap-clap-clap)
Your jobs a joke, you’re broke, your love life’s D.O.A.
It’s like you’re always stuck in second gear
When it hasn’t been your day, your week, your month or even
your year.
I’ll be there for you
(When the rain starts to pour)
I’ll be there for you
(Like I’ve been there before)
I’ll be there for you
(Cause you’re there for me too)”
The Rembrandts; Theme Song from “Friends”
I hate asking for help.
It always makes me feel weak and needy.
And worst of all, it makes me feel vulnerable.
In the Friend’s song, there is a trifecta of woes: “your job’s a joke, you’re always broke, your
love life’s D.O.A.” (PS. I never knew they were saying DOA).
For me, my trifecta is this:
your favorite boss resigned, your dog just died and your daughter’s
moving away ~ far away, like to another planet (ok, that’s a slight
exaggeration but Michigan sure feels like another planet). It’s not that these are the worst things that
have ever happened to me. I’ve been
through much worse. And in the grand
scheme of things and when I think of other peoples challenges, this is just a
blip on the screen of life. But each
thing piled up on top of the other within a two week span of time has kicked my
butt! It laid me low for a time.
During this unsettled time, I’ve been praying for some
insight as to what God wants me to learn from this. The answer is this . . . . We need
friends. We need friends who are there
with us through the harshest times. We
need friends who cheer with us when times are good. And we need friends who pray for us and with
us. We need friends. All kinds of friends.
As a single person who desires to be married again, people
tell me all the time that “God is all you need.” I guess in theory that’s true and to some
people that’s comforting (it isn’t to me).
But I think there is danger in this statement. The danger is that it can give us a sense
that we should be able to handle all things by ourselves ~ just between us and
God. That statement fuels my attitude of
“I don’t need anyone’s help.” “I can
handle this by myself.” “I must be an
immature Christian who doesn’t trust God if I can’t handle this without someone
else’s help.” I feel like the statement
“God is all you need” encourages us to isolate ourselves and not allow others
to help us during times of crisis or even during times of joy. It sort of implies that we don’t need other
people. This simply is not true!
The Bible is full of page after page of stories where God
sent friends to help someone. It started
way back at the beginning in the Garden of Eden. Adam was hanging out with all the animals and
plants. He was feeling pretty good about
life and God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.”
(Genesis 2:18). Adam didn’t ask God for
someone to talk to. God recognized that
humans need companionship and we need others to help us.
In Exodus, Moses had Joshua to help him. In the New Testament, Paul had Timothy,
Silas, Barnabas and a whole community of friends to help him through life’s
troubled waters. And in the Garden of
Gethsemane, Jesus himself asked for His closest friends to pray for Him during
His darkest hours.
Do we need God? No
doubt. Are there times when God asks us
to sit quietly and spend alone time with Him?
Absolutely. Is God everything we
need? Yes, He is. But that doesn't mean we exist in a bubble by ourselves. And it doesn't mean we don't need anything or anyone else. He calls us to be in fellowship with
one another. He sends us friends who
help us celebrate the good things He brings to us. And He sends us friends to lift us up and
carry us when we are too weary to even lift our hands.
In Exodus 17, Joshua went out to fight the Amalekites. God told Moses to go to the top of the hill
overlooking the battle to pray. So Moses
went up the hill and he took Aaron and Hur with him. And Moses prayed. And he prayed and he prayed and he
prayed. He prayed to the point of
exhaustion. That’s when his buddies
Aaron and Hur stepped in to help:
“When Moses’ hands grew tired, they took a stone and put it
under him and he sat on it. Aaron and
Hur held his hands up – one on one side, one on the other – so that his hands
remained steady till sunset. So Joshua
overcame the Amalekite army with the sword.”
Exodus 17:12-13
Sometimes God asks us to get in the battle with
someone. Sometimes He sends others to fight
for us and asks us to sit it out and pray continually. And always when we are too weary to even lift
our hands, God will send us a friend who will hold us up through the battle. And
sometimes the friends He sends can come from the most unexpected places.
The Christmas my marriage was falling apart, I went to our
church one evening knowing that no one would be there. I just wanted to sit and be quiet with
God. And I really wanted to see if I
could find Jesus in that most unhappy time in my life. As I sat in the front pew, the new music
minister’s wife walked in. I didn’t
particularly like this person so I tried to ignore her. She started to walk by me then turned and
seeing my tear-streaked face asked if I was ok.
I told her that I was fine, that I was just trying to find Jesus during
that season. She hesitated just a second
then came over and gave me a hug and prayed for me. Her hug and her compassion at that very
moment helped to get me through another lonely night. I think that God will always send someone to
help us through the dark nights. But
sometimes we have to open our hearts and our eyes to see them and we have to be
willing to let them in to help us.
So when we need a friend and God sends one our way, are we
willing to let them in and let them help us? Are we
willing to nurture those friendships so that when the battles rage (and they
will), our friends are willing to get in the fight with us?
I have to admit that this is very hard for me. I’ve never been good at nurturing
friendships. I’ve never been good at
reaching out for help when I need it. Thankfully,
God has sent me friends who tell me, “I know you don’t need me to do
this for you, but I’m going to do it anyway.”
And thankfully I am also blessed with friends who have the courage to
call me out when I insist on doing everything on my own. I’ve heard this more than once: “Why do you
have to be so stubborn and not let me help you?!” Oops.
Guilty.
Good friends are a true gift from God. And most of my life, I have kept my friends
at arm’s length and have not encouraged true closeness. I have not always cultivated or nurtured
true, life-long friendships. But during
this recent season of turbulent waters, I have learned to let my friends and
family help me. It hasn’t been
easy. I still want to be strong and
appear that I have it all together. But I
have learned that my friends are one of the most precious gifts that God has
ever given me. I could not have gotten
through this most recent time without my friends. I pray that I have learned to never take my
friends for granted and that I need to be there for you as much as you have
been there for me.
And so I thank you, my dear, sweet friends. I thank you for pulling me through the tough
times. I thank you for rejoicing with me
through the good times. Thank you for
sending me cards, books, emails and FaceBook postings of love and
encouragement. Thank you for having the
courage to drag my butt out of the house when all I wanted to do was curl up in
a ball and feel sorry for myself. And
thank you for having the wisdom to know when I really do need to be left alone
with my sadness. Thank you for knowing
that McDonald’s French fries and a Dr. Pepper really does cure everything. And thank you for not judging me when I insist
that “Yes, another new pair of shoes will, in fact, make me feel better.” Thank you to those of you who get in and
fight the battles with me, those of you who encourage me to fight the battles I
need to fight and those of you who give me strength to never give up. Thank you to those of you who continue in
fervent prayer for me when I am in a battle.
I thank those of you who let me just sit and cry and cry and cry when I need
to. And those of you who have the wisdom
to know when it’s time to tell me enough is enough and it’s time to put my big
girl pants on and get back to living.
I thank all of you my wonderful friends (and I include my amazing
family as part of my circle of friends).
You are invaluable to me. And I pray
that I will be as good a friend to you as you have been to me. You are much loved.
Remember: “Two are
better than one . . . If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to
help him up.” Ecclesiastes 4:9-10
Heavenly Father, oh how we thank You for the friends and
family you have placed in our lives.
They are each one so precious to us.
Help all of us, Lord, to reach out to our friends when we need help but
also to not be a Sad Sally burden to them.
Help us, Father, to nurture our friendships and to hold them close. Help us to remember that some friends are friends
for just a season and some are life-long friends. Help us to recognize when you send us a friend
in an unexpected way or in an unexpected package. We need our friends, Lord. And we are so very thankful that You have
given us this most precious gift. We
love You and we honor You and we know that You are the ultimate best Friend. ~robin
