Meandering

I am on a hike...on a mountain.  All around me is a forest of brightly colored trees.  There are no tall buildings to block out the sun and stifle the air.  There is not a constant, frantic thrum of vehicles driving by; no beeping horns, no emergency vehicle sirens.  Instead, there is sunshine on my face, crisp, clean air to breath in and a gentle breeze rustling the leaves overhead.  And ahead of me is a winding path that promises endless possibilities.

I am a meanderer.  My goal is not to get to the top as quickly as I can.  It is not to see if I can get my heart rate up.  Out here, my goal is to wander, to observe and to rest.  Out here on the trail, I stop often to take a picture or catch my breath.  And sometimes, I stop just to listen.

It is in the stillness that I hear a tap-tap-tap that draws my eyes to a woodpecker on a log.  It is in the stillness that I hear squirrels scampering through the leaves.  And it is in this stillness that I hear a whisper that tells me that I am beloved.  In this stillness, I can hear a quiet voice beckoning me forward to experience more treasures that await me around every bend in the trail.

As I stand still and look around, I wonder how many treasures we miss because we are too busy rushing from place to place.  I wonder how many times we miss seeing something or experiencing something amazing because we are looking down at our phones or other electronic devises.  There is such beauty in the stillness. And there is rest.

As the path beckons me forward, there are new adventures around every corner.  At mile four, I come to a rather large hill.  In actuality, this hill probably isn't much bigger than some of the other hills I have already climbed.  But by mile four, my legs are starting to get a little wobbly, and I am starting to feel a bit weary.  But I continue upward because, well, doesn't everyone want to see what's on the other side of a hill?

As I trudge up this hill and get to the top, I wonder, "Is it possible that sometimes we have to climb hills and mountains not to test our resolve or to make us stronger but simply because the view from the top is so spectacular?"

Here in these mountains, under the canopy of trees, I am free.  Free from the constant, frantic tension of work.  Free from make-up and cute (uncomfortable) shoes ~ because here there is no judgement.  Here I am able to release the tension in my clenched jaw and open wide my closed fists.  It is here that I am strong and courageous.  It is here that my mind is able to wander and to rest.  It is here that I find peace.  And it is here, on this mountain, under these trees that it is well with my soul.

"See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland."  Isaiah 43:19

I pray that you will find rest in the wilderness.

~robin

He Showed Up ~by robin moroney

It’s been a long, long time since I’ve written anything.  I’ve been wandering.  And I’ve been wondering.  Wondering what is real?  Wondering what do I believe?  I have gone astray.  And I have doubted.  I have doubted a lot. I have been in a season of what my minister calls a Crisis of Belief.  My daughter, Megan, calls it a season of rebellion.  She’s right.  I’ve been rebelling.  And, quite frankly, I’ve been ok with it.  I’ve kind of enjoyed my solitude.

But today is Easter.  The day of rebirth and new beginnings.  It is the day of miracles and God’s great love and His great power.  Today is Easter …..the day that Jesus shows up.

Our Easter message this morning was about Thomas.  We know him as Doubting Thomas.  Thomas is one of my heroes.  He’s one of the guys who was closest to Jesus and yet he still doubted.  He had a front row seat to Jesus’ teachings and His miracles.  Thomas didn’t hear things second or third hand.  No, he was right there in the front row seeing things with his own eyes and hearing with his own ears.  And yet, when things didn’t happen the way Thomas thought they were going to – when Jesus died – Thomas abandoned the other disciples and he wandered away.

Like Thomas, I too thought I had a front row seat with God.  I thought I heard His messages and saw His miracles.  And I thought I knew what was going to happen next.  But, like Thomas, it didn't happen the way I thought it was going to.  And so for the past several years, I've wandered and I've doubted.  And I’ve pretty much distanced myself from God.

This morning our minister said that Thomas abandoned his fellow disciples and he wandered away when Jesus died.  As I thought about today’s message, I wondered what had died for me to cause this "Crisis of Belief?" Part of it was that something I hoped for didn't happen. But the bigger part is that my belief in discernment and hearing God's voice died.  And so, like Thomas, I've been wandering.  During this morning's service I wrote down: "What do I need to see and touch to make me believe again?"  I honestly don't know the answer to that.  

But I do know that God showed up for me this weekend.  In the wee hours of Saturday morning, sitting at a table on the stage of our quiet church, God showed up.

Every year at Easter our church reads the Bible all the way through starting on Good Friday with Genesis and ending with Revelation at sunrise service on Easter day.  We all sign up for 20-minute increments to go to the church to read the Bible day and night from Good Friday to Easter morning. I purposely sign up for 1:00 in the morning.  The first year I signed up for that timeslot to challenge myself.  I mean, it’s easy for me to go to the church at 10:00 on Saturday morning.  But to get up and go to the church at 1:00 Saturday morning, now that’s a challenge.  The second year I signed up for the 1:00 timeslot because I loved that time the previous year.  There is only one other person in the church, all the lights are turned down low, you sit at a table on the stage and you just read God’s word. It is a time with just me and God.  It is so reverent and peaceful.  And I love it.

I signed up for the 1:00 a.m. timeslot again this year.  But this year, I wasn't quite sure my heart was all in it.  I've been doubting and wandering for so long and I've been starting to feel like a hypocrite.  So, on Friday I prayed: "God will You show up for me at that moment?  Will You be there for me and let me know You are there?  Will You open my eyes to see You and will You crack this shell that I've built around myself?  Will You do that for me?"

When I arrived at the church, there were two other cars in the parking lot.  As I passed the one closes to the walkway, I noticed that it had a Florida Gator tag on the front.  To me this was like the little clicker I use to train Emma.  It just sort of gets her attention.  And that Florida Gator tag just sort of made me pay attention because I always notice Gator tags.

When I got inside the church I was told that I would be reading in Matthew.  So, I sat down to mark Matthew in my Bible.  As I opened my Bible the first page I flipped to was Habakkuk.  I have a history with Habakkuk.  He shows up at the most interesting times.  So, this really got my attention.  Another click on the clicker.

Then it was my turn to read.  I got up on stage, sat at the table and I started reading Matthew 17.  All was going well; I was moving right along.  Until I got here:   

"If a man has a hundred sheep and one of them has gone astray, does he not leave the ninety-nine on the hills and go in search of the one that went astray? And if he finds it, truly, I say to you, he rejoices over it more than over the ninety-nine that never went astray."  Matthew 18:12-13

I almost lost it right there.  I had to work really hard to not break down and to catch my breath.  Tears welled up in my eyes and I had trouble getting the words out.  And I know that if I had been by myself and if I had let the emotions have free reign, I would have melted into uncontrollable sobs in that moment.  And maybe I should have let that happen.  Because, honestly, at that moment I felt God show up and meet me right where I had asked Him to.  And as I read those verses, I felt Him tell me “I’m coming for you, Robin, my sheep who has gone astray.”

Somehow, I managed to not fall apart and to keep going (I didn't want to be the one person who held up the reading of Revelation on Easter morning because I had a breakdown and couldn't get through my section).

I held it together and I was moving right along.  And then I got to Matthew 20:32:

"And Jesus stopped and called them saying, 'What do you want me to do for you?'  They said to him, 'Lord, let our eyes be opened.'  And Jesus in pity touched their eyes, and immediately they received their sight and followed him."

"What do you want me to do for you?" Open my eyes.  

"What do you need to see and touch in order to believe again?"  I honestly don't know.

This was a remarkable weekend for me.  And hopefully it is a time of rebirth for me too.  Honestly, I'm afraid to believe again.  I don't know what that looks like and I don't know how I'll ever trust my "discernment" again.

But for now, I'm resting in the knowledge that God showed up.  And I hope to get back to a place of believing and trusting again.  

Thank you all for being on this journey with me.  I hope that some of you will stand in the gap for me and pray when I cannot.  Thank you for your love and support and encouragement.  You are much loved.

Oh, and by the way, the page that opened up in Habakkuk in the wee hours of Saturday morning had this Scripture at the very top of the page:

"And the Lord answered me:

'Write the vision; make it plain upon tablets, so he may run who reads it.  For still the vision awaits its time; it hastens to the end - it will not lie.  If it seems slow, wait for it; it will surely come, it will not delay."  Habakkuk 2:2-3

He showed up.

Santa, Snowflakes & Elves, Oh My! ~ by robin moroney

“. . . she gave birth to her first-born, a son.  She wrapped him in cloths and placed him in a manager . . .”  Luke 2:7

I recently saw a You Tube video of Ellen Degeneres making fun of the people who are in an uproar because Starbucks changed their cups to Holiday cups.  Apparently people are saying that Starbucks is being anti-Christmas.  I’m guessing that people are upset because it solidifies what we’ve been saying for years (me included) that we are taking Christ out of Christmas.  I’ve said this same thing for years and I’ve been in an uproar about it too.  But in Ellen’s monologue, she said something that made me pause.  She said that the old cups had snowflakes, Santa’s sleigh and elves on them “You know, all the things you find in the Bible.”

Hmmm.  That phrase “all the things you find in the Bible” stuck with me.  And it made me realize that Christmas really has become a season.  It’s no longer about a day – The Day – it’s all about the season.  Then I had to wonder how it got to be a season and, honestly, what is my part in helping to make it that way?

So, what is Christmas?  It is the day our Savior was born.  Luke 2:10 says:

“I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all the people.  Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is Christ the Lord.”

Did you catch it?  “Today.”  Not this month, not this season.  Today.

So, reality check . . . as we complain that the world and retailers and advertisers are taking Christ out of Christmas, how many of us are contributing to making “Christmas” about a span of time ~ a season ~ rather than the Day?  How many of us start decorating our homes on November 1^st and take weeks to decorate so we can have the perfect house to impress our friends and family (decorations that will include snowflakes, Santa’s sleigh and elves)?  How many of us spend weeks and weeks and hundreds (or thousands) of dollars to get the perfect gift for everyone we know?  How many of us swarm to stores on Black Friday so we can get a great deal (usually on “gifts” for ourselves)?  And when Christmas day finally arrives, in the frenzy of opening gifts, visiting friends & family and eating ourselves into a food induced coma, how many of us actually step back and spend time praising our Savior or celebrating His birthday?  I am ashamed to realize that I don’t.  I might give a brief “Happy Birthday Jesus”, but that’s about it.

I am not saying that gifts, spending time with friends and family, decorating our homes or eating ourselves into oblivion on Christmas day are bad things.  I, for one, love our Christmas traditions and celebrations.  What I am saying, though, is that before we get in an uproar and blame the world, retailers and advertisers for taking Christ out of Christmas, let’s look at ourselves and acknowledge that we are probably doing the same thing.  Let’s be honest, we have all helped to contribute to making it a holiday season that starts on November 1^st and ends on New Year’s Day. 

The holiday season is not a bad thing.  It’s a wonderful, magical time to be with friends and family and to show them how much we love them by sharing gifts and food.  It’s a time to decorate and wear big, fat tent dresses so we can eat more.  It’s a time to celebrate Thanksgiving, Hanukah and New Year’s.  And right in the middle of that season is our Savior’s birthday ~ Christmas.  It’s a day ~ a very, very special day ~ not a season.  And it’s up to us, our Savior’s followers, to not forget His day.  It’s up to us to praise Him and acknowledge Him and His special day.  And it starts in our own hearts and in our own homes. 

So, as we run around getting ready for this Holiday Season, let’s not be hypocrites and get our feathers ruffled when someone says “Happy Holidays.”  Because chances are that the person saying “Happy Holidays” to you is the check-out person at Target who just rang up your purchase of six thousand feet of lights, a life-size blow up of Santa and his reindeer for your front lawn and a six-foot waving snowman ~ all of which, of course, are in the Bible.

Remember:  “For to us a child is born, to us a son is given, and the government will be on his shoulders, and he will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.”  Isaiah 9:6

Heavenly Father, thank You so much for giving us Your Son, Jesus.  Thank You that we have the freedom to celebrate His birthday.  Thank You for the holiday season, a season when we are blessed with friends and family, celebrating and more food than we can eat.  I ask, Father, that on Christmas Day, You will cause a stirring in all our hearts that will remind us to spend more than a second to praise Your Son and remember His special day.  Help us to remember that Christmas is about Jesus' birthday and not about us.  We thank You for Jesus and we praise Him.  ~robin